Sharks and Bears and Casting Your Cares

Dang, y'all.
First of all, excuse my absence.
As some of you already know, my 3 yr old collided into my can of sparkling water (the  FUN PEOPLE'S drink) and it got all over my laptop and drowned my keyboard for about 12 hours.
My husband saved it though, because he is The Man.

Never too much Holy Spirit, but what?! We're married. We don't have to do the side hug. 

Anyhow....
Well. What can I even say about all this blog love I'm getting from you guys?
 I am speechless.
 Well, almost speechless.
I am practically NEVER speechless, so the fact that I am almost speechless is really quite spectacular.
And even when I'm not actually speaking out loud, my face is highly expressive and you can usually tell what I'm thinking just by looking at it.
So here you go:

 Who did that? You did.
I am so excited and thrilled and humbled and undeserving and a little embarrassed and overwhelmed but mostly EATING IT ALL UP LIKE A FAT KID AT THE PONDEROSA, Y'ALL, and when I finish eating I'mma fill up all the ziplock bags and tupperware that I done brought in my bag.
I have spent the last few days reading through your comments in mostly shocked and awed silence, except for some crazy Woody Woodpecker-ish laughter that I will emit from time to time, which has startled my family members more often than I'd like to admit.

Okay, Crazyface.

I have laughed. I have cried.

More like a potty dance. It still counts.

I have done the Happy Dance.
Oh and every once in awhile (read: FREEEEEQUENTLYYYY) I will check fb and announce "214!!! 214, Dan! Wait..it's 216 now!!!"
And Dan will say, "I know, honey. It's awesome!" Each time in a more resigned way, because I've done this with pretty much every new "like" and he's getting weary. But he's enjoying it, too and gettin in on the action by giving me new ideas for future posts. And in some ways he is also a little like Grace's Simon from Camp Patton because he's already saying things like "Don't blog this. This stays in the home."
And I gots to respect the hubs, cuz he's my best friend and all.
I tell you what, though... never did I expect this kind of response.
I mean you guys are like the little girl from the AT&T commercial:
"More is better than less
because if there's more less stuff,
then you might want to have some more.
But then, your parents won't let you because there's only a little.
If you really like something, you'll want more of it.
We want more,
We want more,
Like, you really like it,
you want more."

Children make the world way more fun.

 



                                                                                                                        And I'm like:

Yeah I know I did this already. I'm just sayin.

I'm tellin you, it's exciting and paralyzing at the same time, but I am gonna bust out of my paralysis because WE WANT MORE! and I can't keep you good folks waiting.
So let us carry on.
Dan and I are getting ready to go on a vacation with the littler kids. We are taking them to the ocean for the first time.
A normal person would be excited about this, especially a normal person who came up with the idea to begin with.
But I am not a normal person.
I was super CRAZY excited when we began planning this trip, and all the weeks leading up to this point have filled me with even more excitement, but then you know what happened?
Shark Week.

That there to the left is what is known as chum.

We made the mistake of watching Megalodon.
WHAT THE H WAS I THINKING.
Did you guys see this show?? It was the WORST.
This was a documentary which was filmed this past April.
Some people were having a fun, relaxing day where they were fishing, having delicious appetizers, wearing sun hats, and laughing in a carefree way on their boat when suddenly it was snapped in half by a shark and they were all eaten.

You know how excited I am now about the ocean?
NO CONTENTOS.
Zero excited.
So then Discovery Channel decides to exploit the situation try to figure out what shark did this, and they get this scientist guy - who reminds me of Christian Slater - to launch an expedition.

Same hairstyle, every year.

Science Guy Slater thinks that it could have been a prehistoric shark that has been lurking in the waters since prehistory and he wants to find it.
What the heck kind of Lochness Monster crap is this?!
You know what kind of stuff this is?
Panic Attack Material.

It's that time again.

I can't watch this kind of stuff. It gives me a heart attack.
I hide my face in the couch cushions and cry "DAN I'M SO SCARED!!!"
He chuckles.
"What are you so scared of?!" he teases. "It's on TV, not on the living room floor! You're such a little baby."
The thing is, I have a pretty good imagination, so I will take one terrible idea or scenario and RUN WITH IT LIKE THE KITERUNNER.

So that's how I have gone from having a slight "keep-in-mind-that-there-are-dangerous-marine-animals-in-the-ocean" awareness to Everyone Is Being Eaten By Sharks! to Holy Mary Mother Of God There's A 60 Foot Long Shark Out There!!! to my latest mental fiasco, a shark which hath been wrought by my very own imagination..
I give you: The Dry Land Shark.

You should not allow this, Lord.

This is the shark that shows up at your place of residence and knocks at your door  and smiles at you and says "You're dead."
You know, the shark that ruins your family vacation.

I don't know why I always have to take my fears so far.
 I'm going to tell you a story.
You wanna hear a story?
In real life, I tell stories ALLLLLL the time. My friends know all about me and my tales.
I always have an adventure to speak of.
This particular adventure began maybe seven years ago, when I read an article that was so horrible, I can't even really tell you about it. But to sum it up, it's about a bear and breastmilk and death, and it's really too awful to go into. AND DO NOT GOOGLE IT.
As a breastfeeding mother, I vowed to never go on another camping trip in my life.
I also began having wild daymares about bears.
Shortly after reading this article, we moved into a suburban neighborhood duplex that backed up to some woods.  I would let my kids play outside, keeping one eye on them and one eye on the treeline, and I would spontaneously say to myself:
"Imagine that a large, hungry bear is lumbering at you and your children. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!?! Who will you grab first? How will you get them inside? What are you gonna do, Sophia's Choice???"

 And I would honestly sit there in a crazy sort of panic, gripping the cement stairs with my hands and trying to come up with a game plan of the quickest and most efficient escape for my children and I.
This was back before I had my Gentle Voice, the one that would respond to those thoughts by saying
"There, there. THERE, MY LITTLE ANGEL! Shhhhh! There's no bears in those woods! There's only bunnies and chipmunks and little birdies! NOT bears. Here, let's go look at some wildflowers, ok? Aren't these flowers just beautiful? Just like YOU! You're BEAUTIFUL! Beautiful and brave!!! The Lord hath given you command over ALL the creatures!"
And then with my luck, I would've been stung by a bee.

Getting back to the story.
Finally, two summers ago, when Juders (that's what we call him) had been successfully weaned at the ripe old age of 18 months (SANCTIMOMIOUS MOMENT! ugh), we decided to go for it.
We teamed up with friends Mike and Stephanie and their (at the time) 5 kiddos (they now have one more), and headed to Allegany State Park.
What a fun time it was!
Until night number 2.
I should preface this by saying that all my life, despite my brief bear scare phase, I have (foolishly) wanted to see a bear.
 My family and friends all know this about me.
"If only I could see a bear!" I would cry. "I just want to see one SO BAD!"
As they say, aim high.

We had found two side by side campsites that Dan and I had deemed awesome, because they were right next to a very shallow creek bed. How perfect for the kids! They love to explore.
Saturday night, the kids were all asleep in the tents, and we adults were just getting into our tents for the night.
Someone at another campsite started banging pots and pans together. The noise got louder, and car horns began to blare.
Dogs were barking.
People were screaming and yelling.
One thing was clear: my dreams were coming true.
The menfolk were on their feet, talking to the other menfolk campers about the bear's whereabouts, banding together as real men do when an intruder has crept into their hood. ( OK, fine. We were the intruders)
 It turned out that there were two bears - one large bear and one LARGER bear.
Some people had been chillin out around their campfire, which was flanked by two tents filled with sleeping children. They had brought their two dogs who were of considerable size, and the dogs were lounging by the fire as well.
A big bear came up out of the creek, into their campsite.
It did not care that there were people.
It did not care that there were dogs barking at them.
It walked right by the two tents (AUUUUGH!!!!) and over to a picnic table.
Then the bear stood on it's hind legs and put it's two mammoth front paws onto that table.

"GET ON THIS TABLE AND LET ME DEVOUR YOU!" the bear roared.

Wait, what? Oh, pardon me!
Just slipped into a daymare for a sec.
Gotcha, didn't I?
Bears can't talk.
Thankfully the people managed to scare the bear out of their site, but the two bears managed to terrorize more people at other sites before they left.
Finally all the excitement had worn down, and things were quiet again.
We got into our tents and Mike and Stephanie got into their tents.
"That was crazy", said Dan, yawning.
"For real", I responded, shaking my head.
Then we heard a splashing sound beside us in the creek.
"Michael!" Stephanie hissed.
Mike: what?
Stephanie: Michael, there is a BEAR down there splashing around in the creek!!
Mike: No there's not, Stephanie. The bear is gone.
Stephanie: IT'S. THERE!!!!
I don't even know what Dan and I were saying at that point. Probably swear words, I'm not gonna lie.
I think I made some kind of Chewbacca noise.

The guys got out of the tents. They were shining their flashlights into the creek.
Sure enough, there was a bear.
Whispered expletives could be heard as the guys stared in wonder at the beast.
"Heather, if you wanna see a bear, you better look now," Dan said.
Naturally, Mrs I WANTS TO SEE ME A BEAR SOMEDAY! was hiding in the tent, knocking the air out of the air mattress while rolling around in a grand panic.
I was shaking. But, brave little flower that I am, I sat up and unzipped the window of the tent and looked out.
There, not even fifty feet away, stood the bear.
It was huge. It was huffing and puffing, trying to catch it's breath.
It was panting everywhere.
It had kind of a crazy look in it's eyes, and it looked sort of disgusting.
I was totally paralyzed. The four of us just stared at the bear.
Finally, after what seemed like a very long time, the bear simply turned around and walked back through the woods.

It was more realistic than this.

When we could breathe again, the four us started freaking out!
"Oh my GOSH, that really happened!!!"
"Did you see how BIG that thing was?! That thing had to have been at least 300, 400 pounds!"
"Dude, that was CRAZY!"
"I can't believe the kids slept through all that!"
"Is that it, now? Do you think they'll come back?"
On and on we chattered.
Then this one thing happened.
A thing that was either the devil attacking me on a very personal level, or God having some fun with me.

Stephanie was talking to me while holding her cute little baby, Frankie. I was sitting in my tent, and she was standing right outside of it.
All of a sudden, for whatever reason, Frankie - a breastfed baby -  projectile vomited at me.
AT. ME.

More.

It was a jarring experience.
The vomit did not land on me personally. It landed on the tent.
But this is the thing: it landed right outside of the exact spot where I would be sleeping.
The vomit clung to the outside of the tent, and all I could think was "I am going to die tonight. The bears will smell the breastmilk. They will come and eat me and I will die tonight."
I was laughing hysterically on the outside, but on the inside I was planning my own funeral,
which is a tricky thing to do when you're laughing your crazy head off.
Stephanie kindly cleaned the vomit, and things settled down.
We were all set to go to sleep.
Occasionally someone would start laughing again, or make a comment.
Then things were silent.
Suddenly there was a large clap of thunder, and the most insane storm that I have ever experienced began.
Epic thunder, lightening and torrential downpours.
I can only thank my wise, protective husband for having the forethought to seal the tent when we had  set it up, because there was barely any rain in our tent and that was a miracle in and of itself.

I can say one thing with total confidence: whatever traces of vomit were left on the outside of our tent were surely washed away in that storm.
And in a weird way, something else was washed away, too...a tiny layer of that crazy thing that is my pessimistic attitude. Because, see...God surprised us and He protected us.
I am preaching this to myself, because so often I find myself discouraged, afraid, and lacking joy.
My anxieties about what COULD happen or what MIGHT go wrong are so crazy! And they hold me back from enjoying this moment, being present in this moment to those I love.
My fears and anxieties can hold me back from being who I am really am and who I'm called to be, and many, many times they have prevented me from receiving all the good things that God has for me.
Sometimes, deep down, we are afraid that God's plan for us is not one of joy and goodness, but that something terrible is lurking just around the corner, and if we really let go, something bad will happen to us.
Sometimes we think God is just waiting to teach us a lesson.
Maybe it's because of our sins and the times we've fallen short. Or maybe we've gotten the idea that following Jesus is only all about suffering and dying and being stripped of something.
Maybe we were deeply hurt and disappointed by someone or some situation that did not work out the way we might have hoped.
Perhaps we have come to believe that joy and good surprises are just for all those other people.

My friend, you are not excluded from God's goodness.
He has not forgotten about you.
You are His Beloved.


He loves us so much more than we realize.

Listen to me: don't write the ending to the story when the story itself isn't even half finished!
God is the author of your story.
God's plan takes time to unfold. He isn't finished with you or me yet.
I invite you to reflect on these words from Pope Francis:
 even in the midst of difficulties God acts and he surprises us. The history of this Shrine is a good example: three fishermen, after a day of catching no fish, found something unexpected in the waters of the Parnaíba River: an image of Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception. Whoever would have thought that the site of a fruitless fishing expedition would become the place where all Brazilians can feel that they are children of one Mother? God always surprises us, like the new wine in the Gospel we have just heard. God always saves the best for us. But he asks us to let ourselves be surprised by his love, to accept his surprises. Let us trust God! Cut off from him, the wine of joy, the wine of hope, runs out. If we draw near to him, if we stay with him, what seems to be cold water, difficulty, sin, is changed into the new wine of friendship with him.
                                                                 AND:
"In the face of those moments of discouragement we experience in life, in our efforts to evangelize or to embody our faith as parents within the family, I would like to say forcefully: Always know in your heart that God is by your side; he never abandons you! Let us never lose hope! Let us never allow it to die in our hearts! The “dragon”, evil, is present in our history, but it does not have the upper hand. The one with the upper hand is God, and God is our hope!"

Pope Francis, when will I get my hug?!
Amazing stuff!!! Please go here to read the rest.
And please take a quiet moment to listen to this song. It is by one of my favorite artists and I think you might love it.
I want to thank you for coming to my blog and encouraging me. I need encouragement the same as anyone else, and your words and the fact that you have cheered me on has blessed me in a way that has had me VERY EMOTIONAL for two days.
God has shown me the power of His surprises, and I hope and pray that I can use this opportunity to serve Him in a way that is worthy of His call.
And we are gonna have a GOOD TIME!:)
And please, if you wouldn't mind, pray for my family and I?
And please pray for us when we're on vacation, that we will  have a great time and I will let go of my crazy Shark Week fears!