So when Dan came home from work today, I told him that I'd be going on my walk after dinner. In truth, I was mainly telling myself that.
Me talking to Myself. I appear to be levitating here, but I assure you..I was not. |
But today I made a decision that I would be a woman of my word and get out there, and for that I deserve a gold star.
Inner dialogue: "Go YOU!!!! Go, you fabulous little walker! Look at you run out the door like a great big chihuahua, ready to get you some excercise, ready to go for a walk!! You're fantastic!! You're a perfect walker!!!!"
Oh hi . Sorry, just being gentle with myself again! Forgot you were there.
So after dinner, I throw on my sneakers and head out the door, right into the glorious sunshine!
It was 92 degrees on the blacktop, and let me tell you, it SUCKED.
But I kept right on! And then I got an idea.
I had Dan's iphone because it has this walking app on it that I like, but when I got my idea, I knew I needed to call him. I dialed.
Dan: hey
Me: (huff puff huff puuuuufffff) hey
Dan: yeah?
Me: (huffpuffhuffpuff) listen I got an idea.
Dan: aren't you out there walking?
Me: (gasping) I need my weights.
Dan: huh?
Me: (clearly out of breath) I need. My weights. Tell. JP. To go under my side. Of the bed. And get. My YELLOW. Weights.
Dan: Where are they?
Me: ( FURIOUS) I SAID THEY'RE UNDER THE BED!!!!! (panting) IgottagoIcan'tbreathe!
Dan: Alright. Bye.
Turns out that the church parking lot - which is pretty much right in our front yard - equals a mile if you circle it twice. I did my first half mile and stopped at the house to get my weights for the second half.
As I mentioned, they're yellow. Bright yellow.
It never bothered me before. I mean, I've only used them for working out at home. It's just me and Jillian screaming at me in her visceral way from the TV, right? No biggie. Plus I always thought they were kind of cute.
How many pounds are they, you ask? 2 pounds.
I know. I'm a wimp. What can I say? They seemed heavy at the time.
As I made my way around the parking lot, I thought, "Well at least I'm back here behind the church where no one can see me."
(BUZZER SOUND). WROOOOOOONG.
Just as I began really pumping my arms in the air with my two stupid brightly colored 2 pound sissy weights, I spotted them: two teenaged boys.
They were helping out with something at the church, but apparently it was time for a break. A break that had obviously come at just the right time.
It was like a trip back to high school.
At that moment, I realized that my weights probably looked like two bananas.
I had two choices. No, four choices.
I could A) throw my weights into the field and leave them there until the next day, refusing to make any eye contact with them whatsoever
B) Bring them to the teenagers and say "Hey do you know whose weights these are? Some old fogey left em in the parking lot I guess. How WEIRD, right?! Like WHO DOES THAT?? Old people are FUNNY, RIGHT?!?!"
C) Call across the lot to the teens and say "Hey guys! These aren't bananas! They're just my weights, ok? Just my weights!!"
or D) pump them stout little arms and keep on truckin, baby! Grab life by the horns!!!!
I chose D.
Fistpumpz!!!!!
Yup I just said to myself, "Who cares what they think, you brave little engine that could! You just climb that mountain! Remember what Miley Cyrus said in her song "The Climb", right before she shaved her head and started showing up at clubs lookin like a skanky little gypsy? "
"I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every STEP I'M TAKIN
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I, I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high"
That's right gurl!!! What's waitin on the other side?!?!?! It's THE CLIIIIIIIIMB!
okeydoke.
I put on my game face and kept going.
Can I just tell you something? This is how I look with my game face on:
Step off, sons. Here comes me and my weights. |
And this is how I actually feel inside:
"AUGH!!!! WHY am I DOING THIS?!?!?!What in the Sam Hill was I THINKING?!?!?! I wish I was in bed for the night!!!" |
See? Almost a panic attack, except not.
I kept walking, reallyreallyreeeeeeally fast, and then.. just as I thought the coast was clear, I saw this gentlemen drive slowly past me:
Believe me when I say I'm being generous regarding his hair. |
But I just kept pumping my arms.
And you know what? When I walked by those two teenagers on the way back, you know what I realized?
They weren't teenagers. They were a couple of guys in their 40's.
What does that mean? What does that meeeean, Double Rainbow? I don't know what it means. I think it means that I need new contact lenses.
Note:I have no regrets about my walk tonight.
Moral of the Story? Persevere. Things are not always what they seem.
So keep walking! Keep swimming!!!! Keep on keepin on. With your goals, with your Faith in God, with prayer, with living the way He's calling you to. Persevere, don't lose your hope in all that God can do in you and through you!
Is it easy? No. Is it always fun? No. Is it comfortable? Not always.
The world may look at you and think you've gone bananas, but God will give you strength.
Oh YES I DID try to wrap it up that way. YES I DID.
But it's true, right? Can I get an Amen??
For several weeks now I have had two cans of black beans sitting on my tv cabinet because they are my weights for my nerdy little exercise program I've been doing. Moral of the story: At least you weren't carrying cans of black beans?
ReplyDeleteWell played with the wrap up. Very well played.
lol My hands are too small to carry a can of black beans for any prolonged distance. I have unusually small hands.
DeleteScore for the win at the finish!
ReplyDeleteSCORE!!!!!:)
DeleteOHMYGOSH the drawings are epic. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome! And thank YOU. More drawings to come.
DeleteI'm calling you for pep-talks in the future.
ReplyDeleteGirl. You do that, and then you can give ME a pep talk at the same time!! And we can eat ice chips together:)
DeleteThat was AWESOME! Love those stick figures - more please!! LOL -I'm still rollin'!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks J! Yes there will be many more stick figures to come:)
DeleteAMEN!!!
ReplyDeleteI have read this twice now. Still makes me smile. You Go Girl! You Go! Fistpumpz!
ReplyDeleteI'm making my way thru your blog (sorry it took so long for me to find you, it's not like you do heavy advertising) but I keep having to stop and run to the bathroom so I don't pee in my pants from laughing so hard!!!! Love your attitude on life...keep it up!!!
ReplyDeleteAMEN, sista!!!
Thank you for the laugh; I needed it tonight! Laughed so hard I cried!! I used to live next to a big church parking lot so I can totally relate! :)
ReplyDeleteYou brought up the Double Rainbow guy!!!!! I do love you. Love.
ReplyDelete"These aren't bananas" that line keeps making me laugh. Oh man. That's great. I thought I was a tough cookie and got the 5 pound neon green ones, which currently hold open our laundry room door and keep the cat from getting into our tv cabinet.. :)
ReplyDeleteamen
ReplyDelete