Pinterest Is Killing Your Confidence.

Is this what I need to create to be a good mom?

                           I saw this on Pinterest the other day and couldn't even hold back the raucous laughter. Because you know what? This is insane. In fact, I would even go so far as to say it's pictures like these that make the mothers of America feel like they're a bunch of  boring, lazy, Losermoms.
First of all, you will spend about 45 minutes to an hour creating this silly debacle. "Won't this be fun!" you say to yourself. "I'm sure to be a hit with my kids!"
 Warning: something bad is about to happen.
 Your kids will tear that sh*t up in about 2.5 seconds, by tripping over the string, crashing into each other, crying and screaming blind accusations. Someone might even flip over the damn railing. And then there's the one who will wrap himself up in the string so tight  that you will seriously have to consider calling 911.
"But Pinterest told me this would be 'Super Fun For Kiddos'!!" you cry.
Pinterest done lied to you, honey.
 Who told you that turning your home into a personal Chuck E Cheese will create a zen like calm that will have you raking your little sand garden with a smile on your face?! And why are people tending tiny sandboxes with miniature rakes, anyway?! Creepy.
Ok, let's carry on.


Oh, you don't have time to make twelve contented little animals and two ugly monster things out of rice or whatever the hell that is so that your child can eat it? You suck. You don't love your kids. You're not giving them a happy childhood.

Jeffrey Dahmer's Bento Box . His mom sculpted his lunch from scratch. Are you Mom enough?

EEEK!!! Look at this fun little idea! Let's scoop the healthy part of the orange out so we can fill it with pretend food crap that wiggles!! Oh my gosh my kids are gonna brag about me to all their friends!! HELLO Mrs Popular Amongst The Kindergarten Folk!!  You are super awesome and fun!! Kids LIKE you!!!
And you need to be liked.

I typed "super fun for kids" into the Pinterest search engine and, no lie, this came up. What the h is this?! A sink? A slide? A slide/urinal? And does that tiny little drain really collect all the liquid?? I  foresee a slew of Barbies flying down this thing butt naked.                                

This is my personal favorite. You make this for your child's birthday and they CRASH THROUGH IT!!!! Because it's their birthday.

I just turned a year older!!! I WIN!!!

 Ohhh ladies. Some of our children are going to be really disappointed when they get older and realize that their birthday is not one of the Holy Days on the Church Calendar. Newsflash, kids: your boss isn't going to wrap your cubicle in crepe paper steamers or throw confetti in the air on your special day. 
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my children. Big time. And just this past November, I threw my daughter a Princess Tea Party. And it was fun! (and all the kids loved me. SCORE!!) But let's be honest, some of this stuff is ridiculous. And it makes me laugh my dang head off.
I don't know about you, but I don't remember my mom setting up eight step crafts for me and my sibs to do. Instead, she gave us crayons and construction paper, paste, and tape. And she did this magical little thing called, "Make Your Kids Play Outside".
When we were outside, she didn't send herself into a panicked frenzy trying to keep us occupied, desperately crying, "Kids?!?!?! Are you having an AMAZING time?!?!?!" Hell no. She kicked us out and didn't let us come in unless we were doing the bathroom dance or we had an eye hanging out of it's socket. But guess what? We had fun. And because no one was constantly striving to entertain us, we used our imaginations. We made up our own games.We didn't lay around waiting for mommy to reveal the next round of excitement for us. Instead, we figured it out for ourselves.
One summer we even tried to make a six room underground fort right alongside the foundation of my family home. Me, my siblings, and about six neighborhood kids took turns digging with big shovels. I can still hear the metal hitting the concrete whenever we accidentally dinged the house.My father damn near had a heart attack when he found out. And our idea didn't work..we only managed to dig down like three feet. But, that idea- born of our own imaginations- kept us busy all summer. And we had a blast doing it.
So moms, don't feel discouraged if you aren't Martha Flipping Stewart. And if you are, GREAT! That's cool. But if you are too tired or overwhelmed or if that's just not your style, then please: don't beat yourself up. You are not less of a mother if you don't do incredible crafts, feed your family organic food, or have a home that looks like it was featured in  Pottery Barn magazine.
You want to feel like you gave your kids a childhood? Huh? You really do?? Well, then. May I present to you the Ultimate Superfun For Kiddos:

Ok. Maybe it's a little crude.

Holy tetanus shot! I think I should've found something less Amish looking. The shovel appears to be rather sharp. But you get the gist: less is more, right?
Signing off for now. You can go pin stuff , just promise you'll quit if you start feeling inferior:)