Meerkat Manners

Does this picture scare the life out of you? It should. Meerkats are some of my favorite animals. But they look like they're members of a cult, don't they?

 Ahhh denim dresses! Always flattering. Always.
 I remember the first time I saw meerkats at the zoo, I laughed until I cried. I love creating out-loud, spontaneous dialogue for meerkats. Seriously, try it. You should go to the zoo today and have yourself a good laugh.
Meerkats are funny and odd and even cute. But it is never cute when people act like meerkats.
Ok, so we're going somewhere with this! Here is a picture of a happy mom:

We've all been her before, right, moms? Smiling, content, grateful, optimistic, and confident.
But then our baby does something weird. Maybe his breastfed self didn't produce a perfectly mustard colored bm, or maybe she projectile vomited at a family picnic on great great Aunt Mildred just as the old fart was cooing over her. Or maybe your toddler slapped some kid in the head. Or maybe your teenager drank something they shouldn't have or smoked something they shouldn't have at a place where they shouldn't have been.
And let's not kid ourselves by thinking we're immune, people:)
One day you may find yourself looking like this:

(behold, my wondrous art)
"AAAUGH!!!!!! weep weep sob sob sob weep!!! I'm a HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!!!!!!!"

Oh girl, Mama done been there before. 
Anyhow, it won't take you long before you meet this lady:

You have questions? Well I have answers.

Oh, come on! We've all been her before, haven't we? At least I know I have once or twice or twenty billion. Most of us moms loooooooove to give advice. I mean, we just want to help! When we see a sister feeling in over her head, we want to help pull her out of the trenches, don't we?! We got this mom thing! At least for the moment.
Now it's all good and fine and awesome to be there as a shoulder to cry on and a support. And it's great to give advice. But we have to be careful about getting all know-it-allish and thinking we know what's best for every mom in every situation. Also, what works for us and makes us feel like we've reached the almighty pinnacle might actually be someone else's worst personal hellish nightmare.
Case in point: red worm composting.

this isn't absolutely revolting at all. not even a little.

Let's say you keep these babies in a tin bin right up on the kitchen counter next to the flax seed and raw sugar. Yay how fun!!! So after Church one Sunday, you see another mom you kind of know and she looks so tired. And you're like, "Hey, Sue, how's it going?" And she's like, "Ohh things are going gooood! How about you?" And you're like, "Great! Everyone's doing good. And you know we just started red worm composting a few weeks ago and it has totally changed the tone in our home and I really think we are all so much more focused now and little Matthew is starting to really think about his future as a worm breeder."
"But he's only three", she says, looking confused. And tired. "Oh Bonnie, I just don't know where you find the energy! I'm so exhausted all the time".
"Well that's just it, Sue!" you exclaim, your voice suddenly filled with a frightening electricity. "You see, we are red worm composting so that we can create our own nutrient rich soil so that we can plant on our land so that we can grow our own vegetables and fruit and the worms!"inhale here. Breathe."The worms are so awesome because they work so hard to eat our food and poop it out and create nutrients and soon, SOON! soon we will be eating the fruits of their labors and see that's just it, Sue, you need more nutrients in your diet that's why you're so tired you need nutrients and if you had them you would be energetic and you could do so many things and you wouldn't have those really dark circles under your eyes anymore and your family would be so much more educated and your children would be more responsible because of these amazing amazing worms!!!!! And Tricia's getting them. And Laura's getting them. And Pam and Joan and Claire and Henrietta!!!!And there was a study done on red worms and cancer and it said that people who had red worms had less cancers and less bloating!!!! And see the bloating is another thing you could avoid, Sue!!!! that's why you're so tired because you have no nutrients and you are bloated."
Sue: "But I just had a baby and that's why I'm so tired. And... bloated? And I have five other kids. And my husband works nights."
Oh, Bonnie. Worms aren't for everyone.
Listen, I ain't just picking on the crunchy moms here. I'm a little bit crunchy too! Sometimes.
We're alllll guilty.

You can't even associate Church Lady with one set parenting style. She's EVERYWHERE. She lives in us.

After I had my daughter (who is now almost five), I read some of the best advice of my life, and it began to change the way I looked at all the advice and expectations of others that was too often thrust upon me. It was from the lovely and well known blogger, Danielle Bean. She simply said, "Do what works best for your family". Not someone else's family. Your family. Here's the deal: you didn't marry Sue. You married your husband. And the two of you need to figure things out. Not that you shouldn't take anyone's advice ever! But don't let any well intentioned friend or acquaintance put expectations or demands on you that you are not meant to live by.
I'm not talking about morality, here. I'm talking about parenting styles. I love being a Catholic and Christian, but man, sometimes we can act like members of a cult. Sometimes we look just like those creepy meerkats.
It's just so darn easy to judge, and it's easy to feel judged, too. The truth is, God has created us each so unique and each with a unique road to travel. Sometimes boundaries get crossed, and we overstep the line thinking we are to all travel it the same way. I think most of us have done this at some point
I wrote this once to a beautiful friend of mine:
" My life's motto is pretty much, 'Do whatever works for you and your family'. You want to co sleep with your kids so that you wake up with someone's knee in your back and a foot in your ass? Do whatever works for your family. You want to let your baby cry it out in their room so that they end up in counseling and want their bank teller to make a fuss over them because they have attachment issues? Do whatever works best for your family. DWWBFYF. My life's motto. Swear to Goodness.Unless you are like, you know, robbing banks and killing domestic pets in your yard."
Talk about creepy. I just quoted myself!
Let us beware of thinking that our way is the best way, or the only way, because so often that is our own pride (again, I am talking about parenting styles and the like, not matters of Church doctrine). I have learned repeatedly in life that God uses all kinds of ways to help us and our children become who we are meant to be, and I am sure there will be plenty more "humbling tumblings" in this life for me.
I'm not gonna lie, that really sucks.

It's okay, my friends. He only humbles us to raise us up again, and when we learn His ways we come back stronger and wiser. None of us has arrived.
Steer clear of the meerkat manners!!! And may we each  become exactly who He wants us to be.