This is another post on working out. I'm sorry if you're getting bored but I need to talk about this. You can always count it as an act of penance if it bores you that much. See? I will help you get to Heaven.
In some ways, working out has been getting easier. But then the trainers switch everything up, and I find myself looking like a complete clown.
 |
| Strife. |
Here are three examples.
1. Resistance Bands.
 |
| Nice to meet you. |
You know what they are, right? They're like giant rubber bands that you exercise with, and sometimes they scare me.
There's all different ways to work out with these, but the one that really fills me with irrational fear is when I have to stand inside it. Every time I do that I think: here goes. I am going to fling across the room and crash into the mirrored wall in front of everyone.
Please God, spare me from this physically and emotionally painful humiliation.
2. Pillars.
First a question: WHY? WHY the pillars??
Ok, I know why. Because they're amazing.
But they're also a unique brand of torture, especially for a fatty like me.
There's something about holding yourself up on the floor like an Oscar statue that really builds your strength, even though you're panting and crying like Scooby Doo while it happens.
3. Mountain Climbers and Squat Thrusts.
I have one resounding thought when presented with the either of these exasperating moves, and it is : Please just shoot me now. These are...I don't know, they're not even human. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty certain that mountain climbers are what dogs do to cover their business.
 |
| It's only poop. Try not to fly into an indignant rage about it. |
They're degrading.
When I watch the trainers demonstrate them, I think: OH, how incredibly fun and easy-looking! Pffft, I CAN DO THAT!
And then I try to do it and the reality of what I'm incapable of slaps me in the back of the thighs like a giant horsewhip.
 |
| Can't move. |
 |
| Friendly Tip: Please never type in the word "horsewhip" on google images. Just trust me on this. |
The Horsewhip of Reality was especially painful yesterday morning, when Trainer Baby Jesus brought out these plastic sliders. They look like furniture sliders, but you put your feet on them.
 |
| "Oh ladeedahDAH, working out is so easy for me and I love mountain climbers!!" (to be sung in a Ron Burgundy voice) |
Trainer Baby Jesus demonstrated how to use them. He put his hands flat on the ground, his feet on the sliders, and began doing mountain climbers in a smooth fashion that looked so fun I was actually excited to try it.
If only I knew what suffering awaited me.
When you're working out circuit-style, you don't have a lot of time to play around in between exercises. You have to move fast, so if you waste time trying to figure out how work a piece of equipment then you might cheat yourself out of an opportunity to work yo butt off.
You stay with your group of 3 or 4 people, and you and your group switch to a different thing every minute or so. I haven't had too many problems doing this.
Until the sliders.
Here's the thing: I could not even get my feet onto them.
I put my hands firmly on the floor, but when I went to step on the sliders, my feet would slip and my legs would go flying. Then my sliders would go flying somewhere behind me.
Meanwhile, the people in my group were doing mountain climbers as if they were rapidly scaling Mount Everest. At one point, I was sadly laying there on my stomach, watching my peers climb and climb away.
 |
| Failed. |
I tried to look busy when Baby Jesus came by, but he wasn't fooled.
"Okay Heather, why don't you try these instead?" he said patiently, demonstrating for me the world's most rudimentary mountain climber.
Again, I foolishly thought, "OH! That one's easy! I can do that!"
If only I would stop thinking.
I. Almost. Died. doing mountain climbers. Fake mountain climbers. Crybaby mountain climbers for crybabies like me.
But here's the good news: I did it! At least...mostly.
And when I went to weigh in this week, I discovered I'd lost 4.2 pounds this week!!! That makes a total of 7.4 pounds in two weeks!!!
See? It's okay if you climb Mount Everest like a crybaby, as long as it's really the best you can do. Really, as far as fitness goes, doing something is always, always better than doing nothing.
I love your workout posts! They're aaaaaalmost inspiring enough to get my pregnant butt off the couch and go, like, walk or something! :) Also I'm a sucker for a good "transformation" story and this one is shaping up to be a winner! Yay health!
ReplyDeletefiona, don't do it. it is not safe for us pregos to move too fast or too much. i am 34 weeks and just reading this post is giving me heartburn. i think i need to take a nap. heather, i could really use a back rub right about now. i hear its a really great work out for the upper arms...and for people with small hands.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing AMAZING! So proud of you, and very impressed!
ReplyDeleteI love these posts! I am very, VERY slowly working on running a 5k, and these are really inspirational for me.
ReplyDeleteIf it's not too personal and you don't mind sharing - is your youngest still nursing? I forget how old she is. Mine still is at just about 10 months, and I'm terrified of calorie restricting at all because of milk supply. I know I could *probably* eat less, or at least eat *better*, but it's hard for me sometimes to tell if my "I'm hungry" thoughts are "I'm hungry because I gotta get some more fuel for this here body and milk machines" or "I'm hungry because I'm stressed/bored/depressed and THIS IS DELICIOUS even though I already had some." I know I can do some work on sorting those feelings out, but I was just curious about how that figures in to your journey, if it does.
And if it's none of my business, that's fine too! :)
My youngest is 24 y.o. now, so I haven't been pregnant or nursing in many years, but while I was, and most of my friends were too I developed a VERY strong opinion about this. Most of the time I am nearly fanatic about getting people to eat healthy, and as part of that most people I know should eat less. BUT when you are pregnant or nursing is not the time to try to start something new and hard. Make whatever changes you can for the better that are not too hard for you, but you have plenty of opportunities while you are pregnant and/or have little babies to make sacrifices. Don't add in trying to change your diet.
DeleteI think it's always good to remember that each person and situation is different. It's also good to hold off on judgement, especially when we don't even know people personally, wouldn't you say? I don't think Mcbabyadventures was looking for ways to make extra sacrifices, so I don't really understand that part of your comment. It sounds like she's interested in making some dietary changes to become more healthy. I'm not a big proponent of being condescending towards other moms, and about whether people around me should be eating more or less. Sheesh.
DeleteMcBabyAdventures, my youngest is over a year old. She still nurses, but it's mainly for comfort. She eats table food with the rest of the family, so I don't have any unnecessary guilt over what I'm doing with my diet. I think it's important to do what works best for your family. Maybe check with your pediatrician if you're really worried. Hope that helps! :)
i did a biggest loser challenge when my twins were 7 months old. i didn't really restrict my diet but just stopped overeating so much and ate better. i went from 141 to 127...in what was it heather, 6 weeks long? the twins kept nursing like champs through all of it...actually, they were my longest nursers, not weaned until 25 months old! didn't affect my milk supply in the least. from what i gather, your body will provide for your nursing baby first, and then for yourself. your body will actually hold on to extra fat stores in the form of a few extra pounds, just in case of sickness, etc. so your body can draw on that to nurse the baby. also, since your baby is 10 months old, they will be getting their nutrition from other sources and not just breast milk alone.
DeleteThanks Heather. I am looking to improve my health. I've been overweight all of my adult life, though I'm at the lowest weight right now that I've seen in almost ten years. I've also been pregnant and/or nursing for almost four years straight now, and don't really know when I'll see an end to that! Truthfully, it might not be until my 40s, so I don't really want to wait until then to start doing something about my weight! As it is, our family has already had to make some major changes to our lifestyle for financial reasons, and I've been pregnant and nursing through all of that, too. But fewer treats and eating out has probably been very, very good for me, and my kids are growing very well.
DeleteAs I said in my first comment, I'm prepping to run a 5k sometime this year. I have a set of "Couch to 5k" podcasts that supposedly take nine weeks. I am giving myself more than double that time to meet my goal, and any dietary changes I make are going to be implemented slowly, too. But I wouldn't be starting out on this if my 10 month old were only 10 weeks old! And if my 10 month old were more like his older brother, who scoffed at solids until well over a year, I'd probably be waiting too. :)
Way to go! I love your workout posts. Keep up the good work! :)
ReplyDeleteYay for you! I love the victorious, smiling you.
ReplyDeleteSo, so funny. And I never realized about the mountain climbers looking like dogs covering up their bidness, but now I will think of that EVERY time. And if it makes you feel any better, those gliders are seriously a torture device. When I see my usual fitness trainer taking them into the group fitness classroom, I seriously consider skipping class and going to get a massage instead. It's only my being cheap that prevents me from doing so (classes are free, massages not so much). Anyway, loved the post, as always...thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteSobbing and laughing sometimes sound similar, so I can understand the mistake.
ReplyDeleteI have found your workout posts very useful, as I am now fully convinced never to join a gym or hire a personal trainer. I just know I would be the one to let that gas squeak out. Loudly. I may try some cheater mountain climbers at home though ;)
I love love love to exercise, and your workout posts only make me jealous of what my 9 months pregnant body can't do :) Soon enough, I'll be right back there doing mountain climbers and planks (we call them planks, not pillars) with you!!! Oh and thos resistance bands ARE scary! Sometimes my husband and I do this class together where I have to hold him in the band while he runs, and the instructor always comes over to help me out because he's scared I'm going to let him fly.
ReplyDelete7 pounds in two weeks?!?!?! you're doing awesome!
No boredom! Laughter! Aching cheek muscles! (No, not those cheeks. The ones on my face. Not everything is about you, ya know?)
ReplyDeleteI'm with Melissa - my face cheeks ache from laughter, too. Also - I hate working out and your posts make it sound so fun I'm starting to think maybe, just maybe, it's time to do SOMETHING.
ReplyDeleteHeather,
ReplyDeleteI found you through the Catholic Bloggers page over on Facebook. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.